Leading in Grief: Hard Days – Deep Lessons

“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.” – Helen Keller

September 4th, 2023 was supposed to be a day of celebration. My wife and I were marking 19 years of marriage — a milestone usually filled with dinner, laughter, and moments with family. But that day became something entirely different. It became the day I lost my mother.

Instead of a toast at the dinner table, my entire family stood quietly around my mother’s hospital bed, holding her hand as she passed from this life. It was a moment that will stay with me forever — not just because of the grief, but because of what happened next.

After she passed, I needed a moment to gather myself. I walked down the hallway alone to look out a window, to breathe, to somehow hold the weight of it all. And then I felt something. Someone grabbed my left arm. Then my right. And then, from behind, someone wrapped their arms around me.

It was my children — all three of them — standing beside me in the darkest moment of my life. As I looked up, I saw my wife and my son-in-law right there too. They didn’t want me to be alone. And truthfully, they didn’t want to be alone either. They wanted to be together.

In that embrace, something clicked. We were hurting — all of us — but we were hurting together. That’s when I realized: we were going to get through this as a family. Not because the pain was less, but because we were choosing to carry it as one.

And there’s a lesson here — one that extends beyond the personal and into leadership.

Too often, leadership is seen as being the strong one, the steady one, the one who holds everyone else up. But real leadership is also about building teams that can hold you up when you need it most. Work isn’t always smooth. Life throws curveballs. There will be losses, setbacks, and moments of vulnerability. That’s inevitable.

But what’s not inevitable is the strength of the team around you — unless you intentionally build it.

You don’t build that kind of team in the middle of a crisis. You build it in the ordinary moments — through trust, honesty, care, and shared goals. You invest in your people. You create a culture of support. You lead with heart, not just head.

Because when that hard day comes — and it will — you’ll need a team that doesn’t just work for you, but stands with you.

That’s the kind of leadership I believe in. And that’s the kind of team I want to build, every single day.